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Ms. Mom - Surviving Single Motherhood
Being a single mother is tough. Divorce can have negative economic and social consequences for older women, especially if there are children involved. When my marriage broke-up, I decided early on to let my children continue to be children, and not mere casualties of divorce.
It’s very important to give your children all the love and support they need to be able to cope with this sudden life change. However, you don’t want to create an environment that suppresses their growth and independence. The great thing about becoming a single parent is the opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with your children, without the distractions or demands of a spouse. But you must keep that relationship in perspective. You don’t want to begin leaning on your children for emotional support. I have always been a very adventurous person. I love going to different places and trying new things, and it’s great to have my kids along for the ride. I try to expose them to things that are not only fun but meaningful. Even trips to the recycling plant are exciting to them now, and it teaches them responsibility. Like most single parents, I live on a tight budget, but I’ve found that you don’t need a lot money to have fun. We live in the Atlanta metro area and there are always plenty of free to low-cost festivals and events in and around the city. Throughout the year, I try to take advantage of as many of these activities as possible. We always have a ball, and it helps them to appreciate the simple things in life.
Discipline can be difficult because many single parents feel guilty due to the circumstances. I keep the parent-child relationship close, but not too close. As parents we need to stand firm and let our children know that we are still the parent. Children are smart, and they will try to run over you if you don’t. You must also be careful not to let the emotional stress that divorce can bring affect the way you raise them. Try to keep your temper in check and keep the lines of communication open. And be understanding, remember—they are divorced too. My kids have had front row seats throughout my entire struggle; however I have never made them privy to how bad it was, and still gets sometimes. What’s important is that they know that they are going to be okay, and that’s all that matters.
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